


Smile Your Best Smile

by CourageFights



Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward, Double Date, Emotional Baggage, Grieving Matt Murdock, Hurt Clint Barton, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Rape/Non-con, stupid boys trying to heal/protect their broken hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourageFights/pseuds/CourageFights
Summary: Matt was not looking for love. Matt wanted nothing to do with that kind of romance. Matt’s hand shook as he moved it over his tie. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It’s not like this was going to end up as anything. It wasn’t like it was meant to be anything but a play date.  God, Foggy had made a mistake. Matt was going to ruin this.---Clint’s friend Natasha and a mysterious friend of hers have decided to force him into a double date. He thinks it’s stupid. Natasha thinks it would do Clint good to get out a little. Clint doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to date. Not after Phil. Not after Loki.  As much as Clint himself hated wearing suits Natasha knew he was weak for a man that could pull one-off. She was out of her mind if she thought this guy would want to be his anything. Friend or otherwise.---aka: Two lonely broken boys pulled together by concerned friends. Is it destined to be awkward and painful as they imagine or can something come of it?
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Matt Murdock, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Natasha Romanov, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson, Matt Murdock & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	Smile Your Best Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I know I know. I have other stories I need to finish... but this just happened and I wanted to share... This is my first attempt at romance... so please forgive me for how bad it is at actually being romantic.  
> I hope you enjoy it none the less.
> 
> (also please help me with the tags, I have no idea what needs to be tagged T-T)

###  Matt

Matt was not looking for love. Matt wanted nothing to do with that kind of romance. If he needed release he had never struggled to find a lonely distant heart. A few questions and Matt could tell if someone was single and whether or not they were looking for a forever.

Matt did everything in his power not to break hearts. The women he slept with didn’t want to be tied down and only wanted one thing.

Matt was equipped with the tools needed to keep the soft-hearted back. Matt thought Foggy would never understand it. That he wouldn't get that Matt wasn’t a heartbreaker because you had to touch hearts to break them and Matt never let the heart get involved. Somehow though his best friend saw through him.

Matt needed to learn to stop being surprised by Foggy’s observation skills. He'd figured out that Matt was… not okay. That he wasn’t just sleeping around because he was insatiable. (Even if he was)

Foggy checked on Matt subtly. Gave him reasons to get out of the house. He knew Matt was nowhere near over Electra and her death. That he was hurting. That the women he slept with were just distractions. Matt wasn’t sure what Foggy thought he'd accomplish with a double date. Maybe he thought Matt would just fall in love and all would be right with the world. Or something.

"I can hear the doubt on your face." Foggy said as they locked up. He was still talking about it. He was insistent. "I'll be with you." He said. "It’ll be fine."

Matt made an affronted noise as they started walking. "You can't hear faces."

"Isn't that what you do?" Foggy asked. "Listen to faces and smell heartbeats."

Matt huffed. Annoyed but touched by the teasing. Right after the Russians went "boom." Matt realized he was in over his head. Foggy and Karen were also asking questions that just caused him so much stress. So he pulled Foggy and Karen out to the docks and told them everything. Foggy had freaked and Karen got frighteningly quiet. Matt had pointed out that he wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. That he and Karen were keeping Matt out of their investigation. They conceded, reluctantly, and proceeded to both freak out. The two of them then told Matt about working with Ben Ulrick.

Eventually, as a group, they managed to take down Fisk. Foggy struggled to understand though and they had fought to rebalance their trust and mutual understanding after that. It didn’t help that pretty much right after telling his friends Matt had nearly died. Foggy wanted him to stop but Matt couldn’t.

Whenever Foggy treated his senses like they were just a little quirk that Matt had and not as something weird and scary Matt counted it as a win. "That's not how it works." Matt laughs.

"Yeah, yeah." Foggy says. "Whatever. Your face is literally screaming. You think that I am doing this so you'll get a fairytale ending."

Matt shrugged. "Aren’t you?"

Foggy huffed childishly. "Am not. This is a date, only because Nat thinks you and her friend have a lot in common and would get along. All I am hoping for is a friendship. I will settle for one night of healthy distraction. One preferably without you throwing yourself at lonely women or angry criminals. Though I wouldn't be opposed to setting you up with a fairytale love. Just don't turn this into a one nightstand."

Matt sighed as they rounded the corner. Foggy did too much for him. He didn’t deserve it. Especially since he almost botched everything when Electra came back to town. Lying was so easy to do and so hard to stop. Matt had nearly brought the whole firm down when she came around. It was actually because of Natasha that their office was still together.

She stumbled into Matt’s mess and helped him fight back the Hand. Foggy and Karen did a bit of damage control. None of them could stop Frank Castle from being bat shit crazy though. Matt thought that was going to be the straw that would break the camel's back, but Foggy and Karen forgave him. Sort of. They let him stay anyway and it’d been months and slowly they’d worked out a system that functioned on most days. He still felt so much guilt over that and then… well. In the end, he failed.

He'd been a wreck after Electra died but his best friend apparently wasn't going to leave it be. Foggy was invested in others' happiness, especially those he cared about. Matt wasn’t sure why the man stuck by him after everything but he was glad he did. “It’s just a dinner date. Nothing has to come of it.” Foggy says and Matt sighs. It would probably be awkward and would most likely be stressful but if it appeased Foggy and tampered some of his worries Matt could do it. For Foggy.

"Okay." He says softer than he meant to.

"I know that you will never forget Electra. I'm not asking you to. I just… you deserve to be happy and you won't find it ignoring your personal life and fighting through everything like only you can fix the world's problems. Let me be your friend and allow yourself to have fun and make new friends. Connections matter Matt. Even if it isn’t romance."

Raising his brow Matt tilts his head toward his friend. “I have lots of connections.”

“Women you sleep with once and never see again are not connections Matt!”

Matt sighs. Foggy’s just trying to help. Matt doesn’t know how he feels about making new friends and thinks Foggy and Karen are enough. Maybe Foggy can’t handle Matt on his own though. Matt could see that. He smiles. He could make more friends. He could take some of his burden back too. Foggy didn’t need to worry so much.

“I’m sure it’ll be fun.” He says and almost believes it.

* * *

###  Clint

Clint’s friend Natasha and a mysterious friend of hers have decided to force him into a double date. He thinks it’s stupid. Natasha thinks it would do Clint good to get out a little. Clint doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to date. Not after Phil. Not after Loki.

Phil was… gone. Just like Bobbi. Gone. 

It had been hard piecing himself back together after Loki. It hadn't even been love. Not really. Definitely not at the start… but Stockholm syndrome… Clint felt sick just thinking about it. Apparently, he was in the five percentile of people who even show symptoms. His therapist didn’t focus on it at all. Just told him it was okay. They were focusing on the trauma. Complex PTSD. Those were the problems he needed to fix. It wasn’t his fault he became attached. Though they weren’t sure how much of his attachment was linked to the magic fucking staff that Loki wielded. They were going over his trauma slowly; because it was “okay.” It wasn’t okay though. 

What it told Clint was that he was weak-willed. Weak-minded. Just Weak. With a capital W. He was this close to just capitalizing the whole word in his mind. Underlining it three times. Grinding it into his heart. Who was he kidding? He’d already done that. It was even in a bold ugly font.  **WEAK** . Clint balled his fist in his pockets and hunched his shoulders as he walked up to his apartment. 

“It’ll be okay.” Natasha had said. “You can trust me. I’d never hurt you.”

“I know.” Clint had whispered. Felt himself whispering it now as he placed a hand on his front door. Stuck on the memory. Frightened to move forward. Shaking his head he began to unlock his door and moved inside. It wasn’t like it had to go anywhere. This wasn’t about hooking him up. Natasha disguised it that way because, well, she didn’t know any other way. She knew he wasn’t ready to be… be with anyone. 

Not seriously. If she thought all he needed or wanted was a good fuck she’d just take him to a bar and fined someone willing or even pay someone for him. She, Natasha, was just straight forward that way. No this wasn’t about him getting laid. 

He also knew Natasha was too realistic to actually think that he’d fall in love. His heart was too broken for that. No this was about socialization. She was in her own way trying to gently push him to live again.

Clint shook as he locked the last of his six deadbolts. Thinking he should probably add another. Just for the fact that seven was a much better number than six and there was just something about the motion of locking and unlocking that settled something in his nerves. 

No… He thought slumping into his raggedy couch. There was no way that this was going to go well. The most he could hope for was to get through the meet and greet with a mild case of embarrassment. Worst-case scenario the stranger would run away. Clint would live through it. He could do this. He could show her through this that he was trying, that he wasn’t just a walking husk of a person. Prove that he wasn't giving up. 

Leaning back and rubbing at his left ear he let out a slow breath. Right. He pulled out his phone to look up cute dog videos only to pause seeing the calendar still up. Tomorrow 6:30 PM. His fingers shook as he brought up his video app. Kate had taken Lucky since he wasn’t sure when he and Natasha were going to be back from their last mission. He should probably text her. 

As he sent the missive he pulled out his aids and settled in smiling as he watched a puppy hopping in snow. He hoped his date liked dogs. 

* * *

###  Matt

Matt’s hand shook as he moved it over his tie. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. It’s not like this was going to end up as anything. It wasn’t like it was meant to be anything but a play date.  _ “Are you replacing me already, Matthew?” _ Electra’s voice came from behind him. Matt could almost feel her. Sitting on the dresser. Lounging in that way she did, knowing it irritated and aroused him.

Matt did not tell her he’d never be able to replace her. She wasn’t really there. He walked up to the dresser and pushed his hand through the space she didn’t actually occupy, broke the illusion, and grabbed his watch. As he clipped it on he heard the front door open as Foggy made his way in. 

Matt smiled a little. It was nice that they were comfortable enough with each other to feel welcome in each other's homes like this. It was a level of trust that Matt thought he’d lost when their roommate days ended. Trust he thought he'd never experience after he started going out at night. 

"Matt?" Foggy called from the hall just a touch of worry in his voice. A tone he seemed unable to shake when visiting. Not since the night he found Matt half-dead on his living room floor. At least he’d already known. Matt was sure he’d be dead or in jail otherwise.

"Bedroom." Matt answered, dragging a hand through his hair. He forced a smile as Foggy walked in.

Foggy whistles. "I wish you could see how unfair of an advantage you have. My date would leave me for you if she were interested in anyone at all. She might still fall for that wounded duck look."

"Foggy."

"Matty." Foggy mocks Matt's tone. "Don't forget this isn’t about sex. Socialization is our first priority. In fact even if you both swoon and consent I’m vetoing the option. Three dates at least."

Matt’s lip twitches as he thinks about how old school that is but nods. Too anxious to joke. "O...okay. Yeah, I ca- I can do that."

It couldn't be hard. Because if Matt thought this date would lead to anything serious he wouldn't agree to it. This was just another Karen. Someone he could maybe care about but never love. Not like that anyway. Yeah. No problem. 

* * *

###  Clint

Clint was slouched in his chair. Natasha sitting next to him. She'd forced him to wear a light gray blazer that she had somehow had tailored to him perfectly. (He really didn’t want to know.)

He'd nixed her idea of a button-up and was wearing a solid dark purple t-shirt underneath it (she wouldn’t let him wear his "I like pizza" shirt, no matter how true it was) and for some stupid reason, he was in khakis. At least Nat hadn’t even suggested a tie.

She swatted his shoulder. "Sit up. You're embarrassing."

"Then why hang out with me?" He snapped then sighed, sitting up feeling the vibration of his shoes squeaking as he twisted them back and forth nervously. Grateful she’d let him keep his purple Converse. He knew it was just because she didn’t want the headache she’d get from him whining but he appreciated it nonetheless. "Why a place like this? You know it's not my scene." He slapped at the folds in the white table cloth. “They have table cloths! and cotton napkins. Makes me think of… Nannies and old-timey picnics.”

"The venue is for me and Nelson." She said sounding exasperated but he caught her painted lips tipping up slightly. "You don't expect us to just babysit you in a greasy pub do you?"

"It'd be a bar. America doesn't have pubs, and sure why not? Places like this make my skin itch."

Natasha’s head tilted, light catching in her dangling gold earrings. They looked really nice against her updo of fire-red hair. She smiled and nudged her head toward the door as a pair of men walked in. It must have been their dates who just walked in and… Damn. Clint swallowed. Nat's date was hot. Super sharp black business suit and a devil may care smile. Just the kind of guy who would look picture perfect next to her. He was tucking something in his pocket as he took the other man's elbow. A little weird but Natasha had said that they were really close friends.

As much as Clint himself hated wearing suits Natasha knew he was weak for a man that could pull one-off. Both these men did so in very different ways.

The man Clint assumed was his date was dressed in a tan business suit with sharp brown dress shoes. His blond hair was long but cut with thought. His gray-blue eyes twinkled with an innate joy and his smile was currently teasing.

Clint licked his lips nervously. Natasha knew Clint had a sense of humor and liked people who were a little goofy and the guy's baby blue shirt tied with his colorful and bright tie (black and decorated with pink, blue, and yellow dinosaurs) was just full of character. By first impression, Nat did a good job. He looked squishy and soft and gave off a kind air. Clint wished he didn’t have long hair though. If he wanted to make friends he should definitely keep that thought to himself.

The first guy was the definition of fine. Way out of Clint’s league. His suit wasn’t tailored but the only reason he could tell was because of his experience with Phil. It still fit really well. Clint felt a little weak in the knees just looking at him. A sharp jawline with a dusting of a five o'clock shadow. Sharp cheekbones and thick auburn hair. Clint momentarily imagined dragging his fingers through those dark red locks. 

He couldn't see the man’s eyes because of his round reflective glasses. Normally Clint found sunglasses to be goofy looking, especially the small spherical ones this guy was wearing. Yet somehow they seemed to work for him. They were dark red and matched his shirt.

The man seemed to notice him looking and his head tilted just slightly in his direction as his lips quirked up and something happened in Clint’s lower stomach. Folding his legs Clint ignored the twitch between them. “See he’s handsome.” Natasha whispered into his ear. Not helping, and that’s when Clint realized that Squishy Cute was actually leading Rugged Handsome. 

He blinked looking at her a little stunned. Then turned back to the two men and found himself getting to his feet. He held his hand out toward Natasha’s friend first. This was going to be a disaster. “Franklin Nelson? Nice to meet you. I’m Clint Barton.”

“Please.” The man said, taking his hand and giving a firm handshake. “Call me Foggy.” He motioned toward the man beside him. “This is Matt. Sorry, we didn’t tell you guys anything about each other beforehand. Nat wanted a blind date but I didn’t trust him to go through with it, so this was our compromise.”

Matt snorted and held his hand out. It was a little off to the side and he smiled again, his head tilting just so. “Nice to meet you, Clint.” Clint shook his hand. Surprised by the strength and the roughness of them. “I’m Matt Murdock. I hope you are here with at least some consent.”

“No, I mean- yeah, I’m glad I came.” He felt his face heat up and cleared his throat motioning toward the seats. “Sit. Let’s… um, let’s get settled so they’ll take our orders or… something.” He glanced over at Natasha as he sat trying to subtly share how horrified he currently was. She was out of her mind if she thought this guy would want to be his anything. Friend or otherwise. 

She only gave him a smug smile and handed Nelson a menu. “I recommend the duck.” She purred as Nelson settled down unbuttoning his suit as he sat, completely unaffected by her. As he did this Matt patted the back of his chair before gingerly sitting down as well. “I can recommend a few other things as well… figure it’d be faster this way.” Natt finished, her smile was just shy of cocky. 

Foggy rolled his eyes and with a soft huff looked the menu over. "What's important is whether or not they have good à la mode. That's the only reason I'm here. You promised me pie."

Matt made a face that was somewhere between amused and hurt. "I thought you were here for me." He said teasingly to the open air between Clint and Natasha. 

Foggy patted his arm in condolence. “You’re important to me buddy but not more important than pie.”

Matt laughed. It was a warm sound and Clint could just see a crinkle of laugh lines peeking out from under his glasses. “Fare.” He said. His head stayed fairly still, he didn’t tilt it down at all as he reached forward patting down the silverware and tracing his hand up the side of his water glass. Clint hummed putting together the clues. Wondering if that was something they could bond over, even if they were different disabilities. 

Natasha laughed. "Ouch. And I thought you two were the epitome of bro’s."

“For life.” Nelson said, making considering sounds over the menu. The table fell quiet for a moment and Natasha was just smirking as she studied her nails. Matt’s head ducked slightly and Clint felt unsure how to proceed. 

Matt licked his lips and took in a shuddering breath. “I can smell the duck.” He sniffed visibly, which was a little weird but Clint found it awkwardly charming. “It smells… intoxicating.” And the way Matt said that, with a gravelly cadence in his voice, well, Clint was glad he’d sat back down. 

“Hum. I trust your nose buddy.” Foggy immediately folded the menu and grabbed his water. “I’ll go with the recommendation.” This man seemed really nice and straight forward. Kind of soft. Clint wondered how he and Natasha met. They seemed like they were not the type to hang out in similar circles.

Taking a deep breath Clint laughed looking at Matt. “Well, what smells good has got to taste even better. I’m not much for places like this. More used to more casual settings but well…” He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. These guys seemed nice. “Natasha recommended it and from what I understand she’s the one who set this all up so…” He hesitated a moment, Nat was covering the bill but he didn’t want to focus on that. It would make Clint look bad. “If nothing else I expect excellent food.” He bit his tongue. Realizing he was rambling but finding it hard to stop. “I bet you guys eat in places like this a lot.” He let out a nervous laugh and clamped his lips shut.

“Not so much.” Matt said with a crooked smile and Foggy laughed.

“Places like this are a little out of our budget normally.”

“So what do you do for a living?” Clint asks a little smitten despite himself. He felt a small spike of fear in his chest. He was not ready for strong feelings. His broken heart was speeding along and Clint wanted to pull it back. Dangerous waters ahead. It’s like it hadn't learned a thing.

Matt’s head tilted just slightly a small frown flitting across his face for only a fraction of a second. Maybe Clint wasn’t the only one nervous about all this. “We’re defense attorneys.”

“Matt and I run our own law firm.” Foggy supplied.

Clint blinked a spike of a different kind of fear rushing through him. “Woah.” That was a level of intelligence and just flat out self drive that Clint couldn’t even imagine.

“It sounds impressive, but we mostly get paid in pie and casserole.” Matt says quickly as if sensing Clint’s unease. “We aren’t very big. Pretty small time. Kind of broke.”

Foggy nudges Matt’s side. “Don’t tell people that!” This only causes Matt to throw his head back and laugh again. 

Clint smiles and the memory of Phil ghosts through his mind. A small subtle chuckle. Nothing loud, but just as full. “Ah.” He always fell for the ones that were too good for him. He started rubbing his thumb on his glass, playing with the condensation, as the waiter finally came around. They ordered and Clint tried to hide the tears in his eyes with a smile.

* * *

###  Matt

Matt was surprised. In so many ways. First off, Foggy could have warned him that his date was a guy. Matt had only dated two men in his life and, sure, Foggy knew. He even knew that Matt had even enjoyed those dates. Matt just assumed that he would have said something. Asked. It’d been years since then and for all Foggy knew Matt had decided he was straight and not a sad little bi who liked to stick to his comfort zone. Mainly women who did not want to settle.

Matt was awkward around men. He didn’t even know how to speak to them outside of casual conversation. Though, maybe that was the point. Foggy's way of reiterating. "I already told you, dummy, this isn't a date-date."

Clint was delightfully awkward, though, and Matt was charmed despite himself. Matt was a little worried about all the little things that seemed to set Clint off, especially because he couldn’t quite figure it out. It seemed to be a form of general anxiety. Maybe social. The one thing Foggy had told him was that his date had been through a lot. That he wasn’t used to socializing. So it would make sense if that were the case. Matt did not know how to handle this. 

It was worrying how much fear would randomly spike in the man. Leaving a sour taste in the back of Matt’s throat. Still, Clint had a good smell.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true, he smelt greasy with a subtle scent of feathers and hemp. He smelt like he used cheap soap and he was a little sweaty. Like he’d worked out earlier. There was the slight scent of blood, Matt could tell the guy had a few healing bruises and a cut on his left arm. A healing sprain in his left ankle. More than that underneath it all… Matt took another deep breath. Disguising it as though he were just thinking of what to say. 

“Sorry, we got distracted.” Matt said, leaning forward slightly, giving his best smile. He could hear an uptick in the man’s heartbeat. A sent in the air both flattering and worrying. Clint smelt good. “We were talking about jobs. What is it you do?”

Another spike in his heart, another waft of fear. Matt was going to hurt this man if they got close. Not on purpose but it would happen. As it always did. Clint would shatter under the heat of the devil in Matt. “Well, right now… I’m kind of between jobs.” Clint's voice was shy.

“Trade worker?” Foggy asks and Matt tilts his head toward his friend in confusion. He thought Foggy knew at least the basics about this guy.

Clint’s response is confused. “What?”

“Like an electrician. Or a plumber?” Foggy said then hummed thoughtfully. “You give off plumber vibes.”

Natasha snorted. “Foggy, don’t be rude.”

“I’m not! Trades are essential parts of keeping a society running smoothly. In fact, did you know my mother wanted me to be a butcher--

Matt rolled his eyes. “Foggy.” 

“It’s true- she was very disappointed I chose law school over cutting meat.”

Clint sounded flabbergasted. Matt couldn’t sense his face but his breathing hitched like he was holding back a snort. His voice also pitched up just slightly. “You’re kidding me. I can’t imagine that. Though my parents didn’t really seem to care what I did with my life.” He bit his lip and took a drink of water. His heart beating nervously.

Something shattered in the kitchen. A dish had slipped from the shaking hands of a young waiter. He sounded new and his anxiety was spiking. “Sorry, sorry!” He mumbled only to be pushed aside by the older waiter as she took over. One of the other workers, a dishwasher from the scent wafting off his clothes, was reassuring the teenager.

Clint’s head jerked toward the kitchen at the sound and something on him let out a high pitched squeal. Matt found himself zeroing in on the man in front of him. For a second he thought that Clint was wearing a com of some sort, his paranoia momentarily spiking before he heard the echo.

“Someone just dropped a plate.” Natasha was saying, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. Her voice echoed a bit electronically and a bit louder through the device in Clint’s ear. A sound Matt had been hearing the whole time but hadn’t registered as being so close. Hearing aids. Matt momentarily wondered how bad Clint’s hearing was. It had to be terrifying to live in a world where one couldn’t hear what was around them. Then he felt a twinge of guilt for focusing on such a thought. Clint probably saw everything he needed to know about his surroundings just fine. 

Clint’s heart settled back down again. Matt felt a sudden desire to hug the man. He was clearly a ball of nerves, but Matt wasn’t sure he would accept such a gesture. Especially from a man he just met. Even if he was attracted. Matt could smell the man’s arousal. It left his mouth dry. Matt wanted to nuzzle into this man. It wasn’t right. To be so taken by a sent. 

Matt always was taken in by sent first. _ “Forgetting me already?” _ Electra whispered in his ear.

Matt swallowed. Clint was not someone to get romantically attached to. He grabbed his water and sipped at it trying to distract himself. Foggy would probably feel smug if he knew how hard it was for Matt not to focus in on Clint.

Clint smelt strongly of pizza and coffee. Matt could tell he tended to lean toward the really good pizza. Though there was the slight rubbing scent of freezer burn and cheap pizza there too. He could also tell Clint owned a dog which-- Uhg-- Matt did not care for dogs. They drooled and they had such a pungent odor. Something that set the hair on the back of his neck rising.

Worse, they just… they ate their own poop and other gross things and stuck their noses in things that were slimy and clearly decomposing or possibly alien goo. They enjoyed smells that were disgusting. Matt took in a deep breath regretting it almost immediately as he balled the fist he had under the table into his pant leg. He forced a smile, praying Foggy wouldn’t notice how tense he felt.

Clent smelt so distracting. Intoxicating. Matt was a dog. He was disgusting. 

This was bad, Matt could tell, Clint was already getting attached. Matt would only break his heart. She wasn’t perfect, but Electra had been like a drug. Electra was too deep in the chasm left of his chest. He didn’t want to put that on anyone.

Everything about her was addicting. Matt was always drowning around her. She was wild and he loved every moment with her. No one could ever live up to that. Because Matt may be blind but he wasn’t stupid. He knew they were potentially hazardous to each other. (He’d turned out to be deadly for her) He knew how Electra tore through his world. How she made everything else feel like it didn’t matter. When she was around she was all he could think about.

Matt hardly understood it. There wasn’t anything he could hear, feel, smell, or taste about her that was any more unique than the average woman. Yes, she had a distinct sensory signature, and she did smell and taste good, but that wasn’t what was intoxicating about her. It helped, definitely, but it was something else. Something Matt couldn’t sense but something he could feel. Like how he could feel God’s eyes on him. How he could feel the Devil in his veins. 

The duck was placed before them. All at once bringing Matt out of his thoughts. Only one duck was missing. “Sorry.” The older waiter said. “We had a slight mishap in the kitchen. It’ll be just a moment for the last dish. We’d like to offer a free appetizer or dessert as an apology.”

“Oh, it happens, but dessert would be amazing.” Foggy said, always cordial but not one to pass up free food. “It’s up to you though. Natasha?”

A jolt of adrenaline went through Natasha and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Oh, could we have the stuffed mushrooms?”

"Oh! Sounds good!" Foggy said.

“Right away.” The waiter said. “Anything else?”

The plates were being pushed around until Natasha ended up being the one without. She’d kicked Matt when he tried to ninja her his plate a third time so he left her be. The waiter barely had time to blink as this all happened. 

“Not at the moment.” Natasha’s teeth clicked together and she leaned a bit on the table giving the waiter a smile that apparently was friendly and attractive from the woman and Foggy’s reaction. “Thank you.”

“We’re good.” Clint said with a dismissive wave and continued as she left. “I’ve never had duck before.” He sounded nervous again but there was a bubble of amusement in his voice. “Definitely not the weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten though.”

“Oh!” Foggy says leaning up against the table. His arms pushed up but his elbows securely off the surface as he held his chin in his hand. He sounded like a teenage girl about to suss out the gossip. “I hear a story. Do tell, what is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? For me, it was probably that sucker with a grasshopper in it. I remember I had found it at that weird day camp my dad dropped me off at once.”

Clint hummed as he took a bite and Matt marveled at the spark of elation that flowed through Clint. His chest and cheeks warmed and a content sound rumbled through his throat. “This is good.” The happiness in his voice was almost infectious; he took another bite and chewed in though. Matt could hear Natasha holding back a laugh. Foggy’s cheeks pushed harder against his hands and Matt knew Foggy’s smile was growing.

Matt wondered what kind of expression Clint had to have been making to elicit such a response. His fingers twitched with the desire to touch, to feel. “Give me a minute. I got a long list of weird things I’ve eaten…”

Things. Matt found himself getting caught on how Clint had said that word. “Things?” Foggy asked, clearly catching the tone as well.

Clint nodded. “Well, yeah, not everything I’ve eaten has necessarily fallen under the category of food.” Matt felt his own head tilt in curiosity just as Clint nodded seriously to himself. “Okay, we’ll divide it up. Hardest to eat would probably be the shoe--

“You ate a shoe?”

“It was a desperate situation! Also… a bad idea. I’d heard about it somewhere-- word of mouth or caught it in a story. I don’t know, but I guess it’s leather shoes? A memo I didn’t get… let me tell you shitting out shoelaces is distinctly unpleasant.”

Matt was so shocked he snorted. Foggy’s sound of disgust did not help. “Why?” His friend's voice had gone up two octaves and Matt just laughed. Clint was funny. Clint was clearly damaged. 

_ “We’re broken, Matthew, no one else could ever understand you as I do. Just like no one could ever understand me as you do.” _ Matt takes a bite of his duck to keep himself from speaking to ghosts. Clint’s continuing to talk about how he once ate dog meat unknowingly and Matt feels a tug at the distraught sound in his voice. God, Foggy had made a mistake. Matt was going to ruin this.

* * *

###  Clint

Clint wasn’t exactly sure, but he was pretty sure he’d just ruined it. He couldn’t stop though. The words kept slipping out of his mouth. Foggy and Nat were laughing as he said. “And that’s how I know what Elephant dung tastes like.” And dear creator(s) above why wasn’t Natasha stopping him? 

About halfway through Natasha’s food finally arrived. Foggy was happily enjoying his despite the fact that this clearly wasn’t an appropriate conversation to have over dinner. Clint was pretty sure the older couple two tables down were glaring at him. He was speaking too loud. He was sure. Foggy laughed though, and Matt gave a distracted chuckle. His head tilted a bit away. He shouldn’t be disappointed. It was better if Matt didn’t like him like that.

It was probably better if Matt didn’t like him at all. Clint was a bit of a trouble magnet. “I’m sorry…” He sputtered. “That was probably not an appropriate thing to talk about over our duck.”

“Our duck doesn’t care.” Foggy said with a wave. “Besides, I’m the one who asked. I’m sure Matt’s eaten some weird things too.”

Matt hums and nods. “I…” His voice is so quiet Clint struggles to hear it. He's also mumbling.

“Grose.” Foggy says, looking slightly horrified but also amused.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Matt’s eyes got so wide that it was obvious even with the sunglasses. His cheeks immediately got a light coating of red and he said. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. The weirdest thing I’ve probably eaten was a squirrel.”

“Oh.” Clint said with a laugh. “Been there, done that.” Matt gave a shy smile and Clint swallowed.

“Quite the experienced man. I get the sense you’ve done a lot of traveling.”

“Yeah.” Clint rubed the back of his neck glancing at Natasha. She gave a subtle nod. “Been all around the world. Worked for the military for a while. Kind of on retainer now?” 

“Oh.” Matt looked surprised. “So when you say you’re between jobs?”

“Just got off a mission… They’ve stuck me with the small jobs for the last year or so. We, Natasha and I, are hoping I’ll be approved for real work soon.”

“That sounds promising.” Foggy said. “Is the work dangerous?”

“Kind of? It’s… protection detail. Of a sorts.” Clint sighed weirdly worried that this would scare them off. “I’m not really allowed to talk about it.”

“Confidentiality.” Foggy nodded. “We get it.”

“Don’t always like it.” Matt frowned. “But we get it.”

Clint shrugged helplessly. “Well… do you guys do anything else other than go to court?”

“All sorts of things.” Foggy said.

“Not really.” Matt shrugged.

Clint looked to Natasha for help. Foggy was an open book but Matt seemed to be shutting down. “Um…”

A tray of stuffed mushrooms was added to the table with a soft “Enjoy” from a young waiter. Clint smiled in thanks, but it felt twitchy. Natasha grabbed one and motioned to the tray. “Try.”

Clint smiled and took one. He’s pleasantly surprised. Nat always knew good food. Without her, he’d never know fungus could taste so good. He was pretty sure it was the cheese and what he was happily noticing was pepperoni but still delicious.

He glanced up in time to see Matt flinch his head twitching toward the wall. Clint stupidly glanced in that direction as if he could see whatever Matt heard. He was sure it was a sound the man was reacting to even if Clint couldn’t hear anything. For all Clint knew the sound was toward Matt’s ear, not where his eyes were pointing. He looked in those directions too, to be safe, but didn’t see anything.

Foggy rubbed Matt’s arm and whispered something. Matt shook his head. Responded with what looked like the phrase “it’s fine” or “I’m fine.” 

“So…” Natasha said. “I do ballet in my free time. Helps keep me limber. Also helps me center myself. How about you too?”

Clint could see Matt’s focus turn to her and he had the sudden realization that Matt might fall for her. For all their health he hoped that didn’t happen. Matt frowned minutely then forced a smile. “I meditate. That’s how I center myself.”

“Meditate?” Clint asks. “I tried that once. Lasted about two minutes. Though I’m not sure I was even doing it right.” He chuckled nervously. “You must be pretty put together Mr. Murdock.”

Foggy laughed. “Sorry.” He responded when Matt seemed to glare at him and from Clint’s surprised look. “Matt is definitely not ‘put together.’”

“Hey…” Matt sounded offended but he was smiling and he seemed a little bit more relaxed. 

“Sorry buddy, but I can’t let him walk away with the wrong impression.”

“It’s not-” Matt sighed shaking his head “It’s just to help me focus…” His hand tapped on the table with a nervous twitch. “I like to box.”

That was surprising. “Box?” Clint said before he could think better of it. A strained smile pulled at Matt’s lips. “I mean…” Clint was mentally kicking himself. He didn’t mean to make it sound like he thought Matt couldn’t box.

“Well, my opponent is usually only the bag.” Foggy took a distractingly big bite of food and Clint glanced at him, catching a weird expression on his face. “Keeps me in shape.” Matt added elbowing Foggy in the side, making the man choke. “Your turn.”

Foggy cleared his throat. “Rude.” He hummed then wiped his lips with his napkin. “I don’t do crazy fitness…” This elicited a sigh from Matt. Foggy ignored him. “I tend to play video games in my off time. That helps me center.” He winked at Clint then shrugged. “I walk and prowl the bars. Find plenty of people to talk to and meet. My favorite activity is meeting new people.”

Maybe that’s how he met Natasha. Through some weird random run in. “Is that how you met Nat?” The words slipped out as he glanced at her, hoping it was okay to ask. She smiled.

“I met Natasha through Matt.” Foggy said and Natasha gave a pleased smile. “She helped Matt out of some trouble.” Clint glanced at Matt who was blushing darkly now. His confusion grew. Natasha’s help was usually violent when it wasn’t meddling.

Natasha nudged Clint and there was a twinkle in her eye. “Your turn.”

“Oh, right. I like bad tv… watch that a lot...” His brain was blanking. What did Clint do? Clint didn’t do much lately. Outside of the small scouting jobs, he’d just been… wasting away.

“Clint’s really into archery.” Natasha supplied.

Clint blinked, realized he wasn’t breathing, and took a breath. “Yeah. I love archery.” He gave Natasha a thankful smile then said without thinking. “We should go shooting sometime!”

Matt’s mouth fell open in surprise. Foggy glanced at him with a slightly worried look. Clint was an idiot. Offering a blind man shooting arrows as a potential activity they could do together. Clint was so stupid--

“That sounds fun.” A genuine smile was on Matt’s face now. It looked a little wild, but that only made it that much more attractive. Clint blinked glancing at Foggy, who was staring horrified at Matt now, then to Natasha, whose smile looked oddly approving.

His heartbeat with uncertainty but there was an excitement there. “Yeah. It’d be fun. I know pretty much anything you’d ever want to know about bows and arrows.”

“And anything you never wanted to know.” Natasha teases.

“In exchange.” Matt said, taking a stuffed mushroom and looking a bit shy. “Maybe we could box sometime.”

For some reason, Clint felt warmth in his chest. This guy was a little awkward but really charming. The way he moved was just so… sensual. Clint was falling and he was terrified.

* * *

###  Matt

Matt worried his lip as Clint’s heart started going crazy. The smell’s from him were mixed and confused. Matt took a steadying breath and ducked his head slightly. “I understand if you don’t want to box with me… most people don’t want to hit a blind man.” Matt cringed, ashamed of himself. Despite everything he still hated that he was blind and that people saw him lesser because of it.

“I…” Clint’s whole being stilled. “Wasn’t thinking that.” His voice squeaked. Foggy let out a surprised laugh.

Matt didn’t hear a lie and was intrigued. Maybe Clint was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Or he was a jerk… No, that didn’t make sense. Natasha and Foggy wouldn’t be pushing so hard if he were. “What were you worried about.” Natasha’s voice broke through Matt’s thoughts, teasing Clint.

“Nothing!” Clint buried his very warm face in his hands. “Just kill me now.” He mumbled.

“You were thinking about wrestling him weren’t you?” Natasha’s voice was teasing.

Oh. Oh. Matt couldn’t keep the smirk off of his face as Clint’s whole body heated up. “Boxing’s a little different from wrestling. We wouldn’t be grappling.”

“Not at first.” Clint let out a strained whisper no one was supposed to hear. Matt chuckled as Clint’s face and voice rose. “It’s not like that.” His face was so hot, Matt was getting a good idea of the shape of it. Clint was, as far as Matt could tell, a little scruffy but also rugged. Adorable. Matt felt heat rise to his own face at the thought.

This was just a friendly meeting. The satisfied hum he heard from Natasha had him doubting it now though. “You want to fight Matt?” She teased.

“Nat.” Clint’s face went even hotter, his ears lighting up now too. Yet his heart was dancing in fearful patterns. His voice was shaking and he sounded kind of hurt.

“It’s okay.” Natasha said, her voice going soft. “Matt won’t hurt you.”

Matt would laugh if her words weren’t clearly calming Clint down. As if he really were scared of the blind man across from him. He had reason to be, but no one here but Natasha and Foggy knew that. Matt bit his tongue. He wanted to scream. Natasha shouldn’t be lying to Clint like this. “Matt’s a nice guy.” Foggy adds making Matt’s heart clench with guilt. “He knows what ‘no’ means. If you don’t like something here just say so. We’ll even pack it in and head out if that’s what you need.”

Matt nodded once, nothing Foggy had said was a lie at least. Matt did know the meaning of no, though he was still reeling at the realization that he might actually be needing to tell himself no. He heard a slight uptick in Clint’s heart in response. “It-- I’m okay. Sorry.” He took a calming breath. “I’m having fun.” He said, and Matt almost believed him.

“It’s okay.”

“Sorry. I don’t mean to… meeting new people, especially someone so…” He kept stopping. Not finishing his thoughts. “I wish I wasn’t so… You’re really… but I just… and…” He sighed fiddling with the button on his jacket. Head tilted toward his plate. “I’m not really ready for anything serious… I just-- I need to throw that out there.”

Matt gave a sad feeling smile. “I understand. I’m not really ready for anything serious either… I don’t want us to fall into a “friends with benefits” thing, but I would like to get to know you.” Wow, this sounded awful. Matt was so bad at this. “I mean...if you’re okay with that…”

Clint was quiet for a moment then said with a slight teasing. “So… no benefits?” Natasha stuck a finger in his ribs. “OW!”

Matt laughed. “Well, let’s wait till we have a real “just us” date first.” He put on a smile and tilted his head trying to come across as non-threatening. His own heart was beating like crazy. He was not supposed to get attached. He couldn’t get attached. “That is if you feel safe meeting with me…”

Matt could hear the tentative smile in Clint’s voice. “Sounds fair. I, uh, think I’d like that.”

As they were leaving the restaurant Clint shook his hand and then lingered, shifting from foot to foot. Matt felt that he was about to get a hug from him when Clint said. “Well, nice meeting you. We should do this again sometime.” He laughed forcefully. “Well, maybe not at such a fancy place though.”

“I get it.” Natasha said. “Next time we’ll go to a bar.”

Foggy laughed. “Sounds like a plan. Another double date? How about next week? Same time?”

Clint’s heart started running again and Matt felt exhausted for him. “Foggy…” He hesitated as Clint’s anxiety spiked. “You can’t just force plans on people…” He finished nervously.

“I wouldn’t mind!” Clint said and Matt felt a small smile tugging at his lips despite the flood of conflicting emotions rolling in his chest.

“If you’re really okay with that…” Matt nodded. “I’d love to do this again.”

Foggy was snickering as they walked away. “That wasn’t so bad, was it? You seemed to mostly enjoy it too. He’s cute right?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Matt said deadpan and could practically hear Foggy's responding eye roll. He tapped his cane lightly in front of them as they walked and let out a slow breath. “He was…” Matt remembered the smell and his desire to nuzzle into him. “Adorable.”

“Adorable?” Foggy repeated, sounding stunned.

Matt blushed. “Don’t make too much of it.” Matt said. 

Foggy was quiet as they walked and Matt felt mildly nervous. “Okay.” He sounded happy and Matt felt contentment wash over his nerves. “I’m just glad you had a good time.”

And Matt was surprised to find he had. 

* * *

###  Clint

It was quiet as they stepped out of the taxi. Clint took a moment just to breathe. Watching thoughtlessly as his fogged breath curled with Natasha's as they walked back to his apartment. Neither one of them felt the need to speak. Natasha was wrapped around his arm. He was sure that it looked like she was leaching heat off of him, but in reality, she was sharing warmth with him. He was thankful.

As they neared his building Natasha nudged him slightly. “So… what did you think? Cute right?”

“Cute?” Clint said, sighing as he dragged his free hand through his hair looking up at the roofs around them. Always keeping an eye out for danger. “No. He was hot Nat, the kind of guy people see with beautiful people like you. Not wrecks like me.”

“You’re beautiful.” Natasha says with her “no arguments” voice.

Clint allowed a small smile to grace his lips. “Thanks, Nat.” They fell into another silence until they reached his door. As Clint was unlocking the locks Natasha leaned against the wall watching him.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Seriously. Matt’s a good guy but if you aren’t ready we don’t have to--

“I had fun.” Clint smiled. “Matt’s nice. Seems nice. I just…” Clint sighed as he opened the door. Stepping in he shrugged off the jacket dropping it in the corner by the door. He ignored the irritated frown this got out of Natasha. “I had fun okay.” He said flopping onto his couch and covering his eyes with his arm.

Natasha gently closed the door. She took her time as she locked it and then slowly approached and settled into the couch. He couldn’t see her, but he knew she was looking at him. “Did I push too much?” She asked softly.

Clint hummed thinking about it. “Nah…” He sat up and drug a hand through his hair. “No. I just… it was fun, a little stressful, but fun. Now that it’s done though… I keep… thinking about…” Clint closed his eyes and regretted it as blue flashed through his mind.

"It was weeks you know… and I… I couldn't tell my thoughts from the implanted ones. By the time you guys… deprogrammed me… I actually thought-" 

Clint's voice cracked with emotion and he took a breath trying to fight the trimmer in his body. "I thought I loved him… I probably did. Really loved him, I mean. Even if it was all a lie. Just a means to an end for him."

"I don't know what, if the situation had been different, it very much could have been consensual-- and my body. I still… sometimes ache for him…" Clint whispered the last part, shame burning through him like acid.

"You were being controlled." Natasha said her level voice shook just slightly as she bit back an anger Clint had seen when she’d had him contained after he’d tried to kill her. He’d tried to escape and told her he loved the god. It was a whole forty-eight hours separated from Loki before Clint started to realize that he was not in love. That he’d been controlled. That he was free. The first thing he did when he realized what had happened to him was scream. He screamed and screamed. 

Natasha grabbed his chin, the pinch just painful enough to bring him back to the present. His eyes locked with her intense green irises. "There was no consent. No matter how your body reacted. No matter what he made you think. Did he ask? Did he give you the option of saying no?"

She released him slowly and he shook his head. "I felt like screaming every time." Clint said, his voice hollow. "Yet, I also felt compelled- driven to him. I couldn’t say no. It… it was-- fuck." Tears threatened to fill his eyes but Clint swallowed them thickly. "It felt good Tasha and when I think of what he did to Phill--" 

A pained high note cut through his throat. Clint shoved the palms of his hands into his eye sockets. Trying to just stop it all. Natasha didn't say a word. She just slowly placed her hands on his shaking shoulders. "This okay?" She asked. Clint nodded and she slowly curled around him. Enveloping him in a hug. "Still okay?" She asked, soft as she ever was. 

Clint nodded once more. Rubbing his hair into her shoulder. "Matt seems really nice." The words were pinched.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Clint let out a shaking breath as his throat loosened. "I think I kinda like him."

He pulled back and Natasha pushed his hair out of his face gently. "You don't have to fall in love. I just think you two could be good for each other. "

Clint couldn’t help but laugh. "I'm a mess."

Natasha’s smile was gentle but teasing. "So? Who isn’t?"

Clint felt calmer as Natasha stood and made herself at home. If nothing else this could be interesting. It wasn’t like Clint had anything to lose really. He wasn't sure if there were pieces of his heart left big enough to break anymore.

He thought back over the night and thought it hadn't been so bad. Maybe next time would be good too. He allowed a small hopeful smile grace his lips as the night moved on.

**Author's Note:**

> So I was inspired by the song Learning to Live Again by Garth Brooks. (I listen to country music and I’m not ashamed!) Anyway… I’ve been working on my Bob and Weave story and a Throw Me a Bone and a few others in the works (to be seen) and I guess I had some repressed shipping going on in my heart because this just flowed out of me.  
> As of right now, it's a one-shot. An AU where the cinematic universe blended stupidly with the comic verses. Clint is more comic than MCU. I imagine that he grew up in the circus and eventually stumbled his way into SHIELD and fell in love with fellow spy Bobbi aka Mockingbird and that he lost her on a mission similar to some of the comics. (This means he doesn't have his MCU family…) Though I’m imagining the first Avengers movie in regards to him becoming an Avenger is the same… just more drawn out. In fact, in this story, it’s been about 18 months since the incident. (Also he was with Loki for a month, not just a few days or whatever it was in the movie…) Because Matt’s story is more Netflix than comic he’s been Daredevil for about that long but his character and redder hair are more comic… His relationship with Electra I’ve decided is a mix of both the show and the comics. She kind of just rocks his world and takes all his attention when she’s around. Story-wise I guess this takes place a few months after she died on the roof. Though because Foggy and Karen are aware of his nightly activities Matt has more support and he doesn’t try to suppress the devil-like he did in the Defenders. Whether or not I follow any of the plots of the MCU or Netflix series if I continue this is yet to be seen…This is, again, my first ever attempt at a romance story...and it didn’t even go anywhere… I’m sorry!  
> Please tell me what you think and if you’d like me to continue… I do have some ideas...
> 
> (I also only tagged the past rape/non-confidential rather than marking it in the archive warning because its not explored in detail. Just talked about. Let me know if this needs to be changed.)


End file.
